As a good friend, you will certainly be very happy if he can be free from the trauma that has ensnared him. You are ready to accompany him to achieve healing.
However, do you really know what needs to be done for him? Be careful, a wrong step can actually make the trauma worse, you know. Instead, you follow the following points to show your support for him.
1. Don’t urge him to get well soon
Even if you want to see his life recover to the way it was before the trauma, be patient. Don’t forget that you are just a person outside that trauma vortex. Your friends feel it firsthand.
You may try to empathize, but only he knows the exact weight of the trauma. Just like you can’t force someone to chew faster when they have a toothache. You don’t feel it, really.
2. Don’t say that trauma doesn’t really exist
The meaning of your words is probably so that he is more enthusiastic in removing his trauma. However, your friend may perceive it differently. He felt that the accusations all along were just making up his trauma or playing victims.
In fact, psychological trauma is real. If the physical can be injured, why not psychologically? Even if a person tries to deny it, the unresolved trauma will still affect the behavior and decisions he makes in life.
3. Don’t demand it change drastically
For example, your girlfriend has a trauma with her father, to the point that she hates all men and doesn’t want to get married. Even though he already has a desire to heal himself from this trauma, you don’t have to put your hopes too high on him.
Because, the higher your expectations, the more it feels like a burdensome demands. He came to the understanding that not all men are evil alone is a great achievement. You don’t have to push her into marriage to prove her trauma to men has really gone.
Also read: 5 reasons couples choose childfree, one of which is childhood trauma
4. Keep giving him time to be alone
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He clearly needs support from those closest to him, and you are no exception. However, this does not mean you have to be by his side 24 hours or communicate with him.
Your support is valuable, but time for him to rethink anything related to the trauma is paramount. The goal is to raise awareness from within him in the form of a clearer perspective on the traumatic event he has experienced.
5. Don’t be upset if sometimes he is still scared, angry, or sad
Emotions that change naturally occur in the process of healing someone from their trauma. There were times when he seemed to no longer think about the source of the trauma, but at times he could come back to it and feel very bad.
If you are able to be patient with the times when his emotions are affected again by the trauma, he will gradually become less angry, sad, or cry. On the other hand, if you scold him and say he doesn’t really want to heal himself, he will feel like all his efforts are in vain and it’s better to just let go of the trauma.
6. No need to keep talking about the trauma
Discussing the source of the trauma and what they are thinking and feeling about the event or person can help neutralize negative feelings. However, keep giving pause so that his mind does not continue to focus on the trauma.
If you keep talking about the trauma, it could be a bad experience that haunts him even more. The experience can enter his dreams and wake him up feeling disorganized.
It’s time for you to discuss the trauma. The rest, invite him to do various activities as entertainment as well as to keep his life productive.
7. Listen to the hardest part he faces
Trying to heal yourself from the shackles of trauma is a journey full of obstacles. So, don’t oversimplify the process that your friend has to go through.
If recovering from trauma is an easy matter, of course long ago he was able to heal himself. Therefore, listen when he says the obstacles he is experiencing.
Give him wise advice and assure him that he will be able to handle it. In this way, hopefully your friend will be more optimistic and confident.
Full recovery from psychological trauma may not always be achievable. Similarly, physical trauma can cause permanent disability, so that if he is able to live a productive and peaceful life even though the trauma does not really go away, it is also a big achievement that must be celebrated together.
Also read: 5 actions that can traumatize someone, shouldn’t be taken lightly
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